“What is the feeling when you're driving away from people, and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? -it's the too huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."
-Jack Kerouac
It is a bittersweet feeling when you leave those you love. But you rationalize it. Going to college, here is my adventure: friends. classes. life. love. i'm leaving the ones i love for the next step. its different yet similiar feeling, not necessarily worse, when you're the one that is stationary.
A little over exactly one year ago my wonderful Heavenly Father looked at me and thought. This girl needs some help. His incessant shouting of "hey girl, hey, hey girl, hey." was obviously not sinking in. So He sent me an angel in the form of a short girl with a big personality to compensate.
One of my first memories of my best friend took place my second semester at Utah State University. I was sitting outside old main on a wood-slabbed bench. The weather was a beautiful bitter cold unmatched by any place outside of Logan. I was rummaging through my ninja turtle back pack and as Hayley walked by i heard a, "hey, cool back pack." i replied back with a thanks.
little did i know this girl was going to be one of the best and truest friends i would ever meet. People often tell me, you usually hate people who are too similiar to yourself. That my friend, is not always the case. Because in this past year i have found my clone in Hayley. Perhaps i am incredibly narcissistic (which very well could be the case) and i love myself so much that i welcome a fellow me with ease, but one thing i do know, i am a much better person for knowing this clone of myself.
Now Hayley doesn't need another "Ode" of sorts. I believe the Blaker has that one covered. Instead, i'm going to focus on me, because i'm a narcissist with apparently too little to write about. I am standing here stationary, while my other half goes on a great adventure to Germany for a year and a half to bring truth and light into the lives of those in doitchland. And i'm frustrated. and ecstatic. Happy. yet full of sorrow. It is hard because one person i have depended so much on is no longer there to be my support. Heavenly Father brought her into my life to build me up but now is giving me the opportunity to stand on my own chuck t's and IT IS HARD. already, though she has not left, it is hard.
in the last General Conference (i'm stealing this from you Hayley)--if you are not mormon General Conference is like the Grammy's for Mormon's where a bunch of incredibly wise and divinely inspired men instruct us and give us inspired counsel--one talk that was prominent was by sister Elaine S. Dalton. A main topic of her talk was this: I CAN DO HARD THINGS. Heavenly Father can be pretty obvious at times. I feel so weak and so small. I'm working so much going to school so much and at the same time i'm attempting a pre-medical major. to some this could be nothing, but it is my mountain and the altitude is high. I can't breathe sometimes. And i am weak. I am small. But my Heavenly Father has made it clear to me that I can do these things.
Although I feel i'm stationary, i'm not. I feel sorrowful for the absence of my HSML, best friend, and cocaine. But at the same time I know that this opportunity for loneliness is what is best for me. More than that, I know that God has a plan for me and has given me the understanding I need to be a light for myself.
OUR GREATEST FEAR IS NOT THAT WE ARE INADEQUATE. OUR GREATEST FEAR IS THAT WE ARE POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE...AND AS WE LET OUR OWN LIGHT SHINE, WE CONCSIOUSLY GIVE OTHER PEOPLE PERMISSION TO DO THE SAME. AS WE ARE LIBERATED FROM OUR FEAR,
OUR PRESENCE AUTOMATICALLY LIBERATES OTHERS.
Hayley, thank you for being my example. my best friend. and for liberating me through letting your light and goodness shine. Although we are so much a like i owe you more than i could ever make even with what i'd make as a doctor. thank you for allowing our Father to use you as a tool to improve my life. thank you for your preparation.
You are and will always be my sister and my best friend i love you and i'm so proud of you.
Good Luck in Germany girl!
